


Sweeter than Heaven

by midoriverte



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Hide Week, Hideweek, M/M, Public Displays of Affection, Scarecrow!Hide, day 2: 近 close/similar, mentions of scarring/injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-06-06
Packaged: 2018-11-09 23:32:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,332
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11115213
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/midoriverte/pseuds/midoriverte
Summary: Maybe if they had lived together, Kaneki wouldn’t have been hurt. Or maybe Kaneki wouldn’t have been able to run away from him and he could have kept Hide in his life instead of leaving him and then-Then what? Hide chided himself.He would have let you be part of the ghoul world and everything would have been fine?





	Sweeter than Heaven

Sometimes Hide regretted not asking Kaneki to live with him when they started going to Kamii. 

 

Maybe if they had lived together, Kaneki wouldn’t have been hurt. Or maybe Kaneki wouldn’t have been able to run away from him and he could have kept Hide in his life instead of leaving him and then-

 

_ Then what?  _ Hide chided himself.  _ He would have let you be part of the ghoul world and everything would have been fine? _

 

He laughed out loud, bitterly. If only Kaneki knew that he was involved in the ghoul world already. 

 

_ He tried so hard to protect you, and you’re throwing it away- _

 

Hide closed his eyes tightly. He wouldn’t let himself think of that. 

 

He knew, deep down, that it would have been impossible for them to live together. Not because of Kaneki, but because of  _ him _ . Because he had so many things to hide, because he was scared that if he let Kaneki get any closer than he already had (which was, already, so much closer than he ever should have let him), then Kaneki would know everything that he had tried to keep hidden for so long. 

 

For years, he had wanted to be angry at Kaneki for leaving him to protect him, leaving because he was scared of Hide rejecting him, but he could never bring himself to be angry at Kaneki. He knew all too well how he had felt. 

 

And, as much as he tried to tell himself that he and Kaneki would have been fine, that Kaneki would have accepted him just like Hide would have accepted him being a ghoul, and they could laugh and everything would be the same as before…

 

Well, a part of Hide wasn’t so sure.

 

He touched the scars on the side of his face idly and wondered what Kaneki would think of him when he saw him again. He shook the thought from his head as quickly as it had come. 

 

In the end it didn’t matter what Kaneki thought of him. What mattered was that he kept Kaneki safe, even if it was behind the scenes. 

 

Hide allowed himself to curl into a ball on his bed. He ached to feel close to Kaneki again, and he could do nothing but curse his own cowardice that prevented him from telling him how he felt, that prevented him from going to him even now, and try to keep from succumbing to the loneliness that told him to just give this all up.

 

***

In the end, it was not Hide who went to Kaneki. 

 

He had changed a lot in the last few years, so much so that he could hardly recognize himself. The scarecrow mask he wore kept whatever remained of his face well hidden, he spoke so little that no one would hear enough of his voice to know him by it.

 

Maybe those were just his excuses for getting sloppy, he had allowed his path to cross Kaneki’s in a battle. He was sure that Kaneki wouldn’t even spare a glance to the worthless C-rate ghoul who posed no threat to him. 

 

Instead, as Hide’s heart pounded and he longed to just reach out a brush against Kaneki’s arm (even if that would be suicidal), Kaneki froze. 

 

Hide didn’t even have a moment to realize what was happening as Kaneki leapt on him and tackled him to the ground. 

 

_ Is he going to eat me again? _ Hide thought, as horrifying flashbacks to being pinned under Kaneki just like this as he tore into his flesh temporarily paralyzed and disoriented him. 

 

“You-” Kaneki gasped, sounding frantic as he fumbled with the rope that tied Hide’s mask on. 

 

Hide didn’t have the strength to stop him as his mask was ripped off, and Kaneki stared at him in awe. 

 

“ _ Hide _ ,” he whispered, desperate and filled with a longing that Hide had never imagined hearing in Kaneki’s voice, not for him. 

 

When Hide didn’t respond, Kaneki reached down and roughly put his hands on either side of his face. 

 

“ _ Hide _ ,” he whispered, more urgently. “Please… please tell me it’s really you.”

 

He was still too shocked to respond, so he merely nodded. 

 

Kaneki wailed, Hide had never heard a sound filled with so much sorrow. Hide himself was still frozen in shock as he felt his body shake with Kaneki’s sound. 

 

A part of him dimly recognized that this would throw off all his plans, that he hadn’t planned to meet Kaneki at this point, but a weird feeling was filling his chest.

 

It took him far too long to realize it was joy. 

 

Kaneki collapsed on him. He was so close, his hands roaming over Hide’s chest and arms as though he was trying to memorize his body.

 

“I’m sorry,” he mumbled, burying his face in the scarred side of Hide’s neck. “I’m so sorry… for what I’ve done…,” he stopped, too overcome to go on.

 

“Don’t,” Hide mumbled. 

 

“Look at you,” Kaneki said, in a voice choked with shame. Hide smiled sadly. 

 

“It was… worth it,” Hide said, finding as he said it that he meant it. 

 

Kaneki sobbed even louder, and Hide felt Kaneki’s mouth on his scars and once again he could not help but freeze in fear as he remembered what Kaneki had done to give him those scars in the first place. 

 

But Hide realized, with a jolt that brought tears to his eyes, that Kaneki was kissing him. Sloppily, greedily, but somehow still gently, Kaneki was kissing the scars he had left on Hide as though he could somehow heal him. 

 

Hide gasped, he sobbed, and finally his body seemed to unfreeze and he could move and all of a sudden it felt like he couldn’t move enough. 

 

He tangled a hand in Kaneki’s hair and pushed his head down, asking without words to be kissed harder. He wrapped his legs around Kaneki’s waist and pulled him in even closer. 

 

Hide moved his hands up and down Kaneki’s back, and he knew they had to go, he knew they were still in danger, but he couldn’t bring himself to stop this. 

 

Kaneki finally pulled up for air. They stared at each other for a moment that seemed like an eternity, their lips hovered an inch from each other, both of them unwilling to close the gap.

 

“Please, don’t leave again,” Kaneki whispered. Hide nodded, they both owed each other so many explanations. They both had to make up for so much time. 

 

They heard a crash from somewhere above them, and they knew their brief reprieve was at an end. 

 

Kaneki pulled away, reluctantly, not taking his eyes off of Hide. He didn’t kiss him on the lips, and Hide thought he understood why. They would never be able to part from each other if they did, and it felt like a promise that there would have to be a next time. 

 

“You know where I am,” Kaneki said. It was a statement, not a question. 

 

Hide smiled at Kaneki’s perception as there was a louder and much closer sounding crash. 

 

“Then, please,” Kaneki said, his voice thick with emotion. “Please come to me.”

 

“I will,” Hide said. He could not leave him again. Even now, as Kaneki helped him stand, he felt the pain of their imminent separation in his heart. 

 

Their brief encounter had derailed him completely. He would not,  _ could  _ not, bear to be apart again. 

 

“I will come back to you,” Hide said, squeezing Kaneki’s hand firmly. 

 

And Kaneki smiled, a smile filled with so much joy and sorrow that it nearly brought Hide to tears, and with one final look at Hide, he ran to save those he had brought with him in battle. 

 

And Hide understood, that in leaving him after their reunion Kaneki was telling him that he trusted him to come back to him. That he was entrusting Hide with what remained of his heart. 

 

Hide intended to keep his promise. 


End file.
